Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today I'm with Playgirl at the Coconut Grove in Ft. Lauderdale! And just found my friend Danny sulking alone in his room, "What are you doing in here?"
"I'm just laying around being depressed,"
"But it's THANKSGIVING! What's the matter?"
"I just found my iphone at the bottom of the pool."

Well, everyone else is thankful to be here in sunny southern Florida!

In other news, the best Thanksgiving article I've found for 2008.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Banned from Sex Parties!

Now we're really on the brink! A while back I did promotions for Friskylist at a midtown sex party. I passed out fabulous tank-tops to all the "guests" and in exchange I got to be at the party and also help...clean up. You know, exciting stuff like picking up used condoms!

So I ran into the organizer, Aron, a while ago at Barracuda and first off he doesn't even thank me for picking up condoms...and instead tells me how he got all these complaints about me. Yes, I was the sex party. Big no-no! Cuz, you know, sex is supposed to be this very dark, very quiet huff-and-primal-puff sort of affair.

Anyway...what exactly was I saying? Suddenly, I remember. In the bedroom, I asked the coital crowd, "Why is nobody fucking on the bed?" because they weren't, they were all just hovering around it. I followed that up with, "Look, it's got rubber sheets!"

Aron told me just how annoying it is to try and be funny when there is sex to be had. I told him he didn't have to have me back, and he says, "You're not invited back." Can you believe it? I've been booted out of bars before, but banned from sex parties? What is left for me to achieve?

Before we parted ways, Aron told me it was a shame: "Everyone thought you were cute...until you opened your mouth."

"Well cute dies," I replied. But my mouth goes on forever."

Monday, November 24, 2008

A Cobbler's Wet Dream!

I was up in Toronto on a press tour over Halloween. Check out my write-up on the best of Toronto on my recent post at Gay List Daily "I can see Toronto from my house!"

The gayest thing I actually left off the list. I just couldn't sum it up with on picture and 100 words. SO here it is. Toronto's Bata Shoe Museum. I mean, work the runway in these, sweetie!

For navigating the sands of Ipanema, a subtle platform flip-flop
Be the town-envy when grocery shopping in this dainty heel.
Something for the foot-binder. The ideal female foot size in China was 3 inches.
The above design also comes as an ankle boot, for weathering the great wall in winter.
This frilly ancestor to the modern toe-shoe is a must-wear while washing dishes.
Native americans shined in porcupine quilled bead work. Admittedly tough on camouflage.
Aladdin, eat your heart out.
Holland brings us a mod roller-clog, source of untold twisted ankles

Sunday, November 23, 2008

The Heat is on in Arizona

So my friends in Arizona caught AFLW on the TV, and decided to send me a little toast from the Southwest. While drinking heavily! Thanks, guys!

Stephen and Paul (left and right) have been together 28 years! They picked up Derrick about 6 months ago. Just kidding. Derrick is only a friend. They swear!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Let's talk about HIV!

Last week--or was it two weeks ago? It's so hard to keep up! Anyway, I went to Fashion Forward, a benefit for GMHC (Gay Mens Health Crisis). The place was filled to the rafters with every last fashionista known to man. I ran into my pal and ex-project runway-er Jack Mackenroth, who gave a great speech about GMHC's work. He's also started up a new organization dedicated to combating the stigma of HIV/AIDS through conversation/education called Living Positive by Design.

HIV stigma is still a huge thing. In fact, I saw a poster when I was in Toronto over Halloween that put it perfectly. It read: "If you got rejected every time you disclosed, would you?" Glad Jack is talking about it. Wait, I never wrote about my press trip to Toronto over Halloween, did I? It's so hard to keep up!

Below, At Fashion Forward: Here is Ms. GMHC, Tim Gunn, Gretta Monahan, Jack Mackenroth. PS, this Gretta is so cute. She got out of her front row runway seat to walk over and give me a kiss and a squeeze just...because. And I don't even know her!


Friday, November 21, 2008

Thinking Outside the Box

Got financial troubles? I do! Here's a creative way to keep creditors at bay:

Here's the rest of the email train:

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,

Thankyou for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely,
Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.32am
To: Jane Gi
Subject: Relles: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

Can I have my drawing of a spider back then please.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.42am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear David,

You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you?

Yours sincerely,
Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.56am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

Yes please.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12.14pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account


From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09.22am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Whose spider is that?

Dear Jane,

Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.03am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,

Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th. David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95. Please make this payment as soon as possible.

Yours sincerely,
Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.05am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Automated Out of Office Response

Thank you for contacting me. I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week.


From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.08am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?


I am back and have read through your emails and accept that despite missing a leg, that drawing of a spider may indeed be the one I sent you. I realize with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the drawing of a spider due to this obvious limb omission but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I am sending you a revised drawing with the correct number of legs as full payment for any amount outstanding. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion.


From: Jane Gilles
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,
As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lieu of money for accounts outstanding. We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees.

Yours sincerely,
Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 3.17pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

I understand and will definitely make a payment this week if I remember. As you have not accepted my second drawing as payment, please return the drawing to me as soon as possible.

Guess what? This story has a happy ending! The spider drawing ultimately sold for $10,000 on ebay.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Giving us the Big "O"

Ok, so I just found this segment online from actress Allison Lane. She plays an 'adult film voiceover artist' Nancy Colgen. Turn up the volume on this one! My personal favorite? The "Liza".

You may recognize Allison from her role in A Four Letter Word. She plays AA sponsor/lesbian barracuda Trisha. And she plays it fantastic! To see more of Trisha (and me), follow the link above to buy it (uncensored, not like on tv) and with lots of fun DVD extras!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The spoils, the spoils!

A reason to be thankful in the frigid chill? It's may be minus 3 degrees outside, but I am thrilled to announce that the legion of holdouts who insist on wearing flip-flops long into the fall....have now succumbed to wearing actual shoes. Hooray!

Ok, so how about these car companies that want a piece of the multi-billion dollar bailout package? Who's next? Me! I want a bailout, baby. Although I don't pretend to know the first thing about economics, this bailout plan never sat right with me in the first place. For all those heavy heavy capitalists to get socialism when it suits them...? Yeah, first try giving me some health care.

I read today in the AMNY newspaper (and you thought I only read blogs!) that a good solution would be for the oil companies to bail out the car companies. After all, oil companies did make record profits this year, and car companies are their heavyweight invisible shareholders!

Another solution, along those lines, is to give them a bailout with the caveat that they must only make hybrid or alternative fuel vehicles. It's really the only way I can see a future that isn't shockingly bleak, or overrun by Somali pirates. Savvy?

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Out 100 party pics!

Out Magazine threw their annual Out 100 party last friday--they put on the biggest gay party of the year and always at the most amazing venues--this year was at Gotham Hall. I'd never heard of it but that's because it's in mid-town no-man's land at 37th & Broadway. Inside, Gotham Hall is at least 10 stories high, originally a bank, with a huge stained-glass dome above. Beautiful!

Since I was part of the Out 100 this year, I did the red carpet which is pretty funny. A bunch of flashing light bulbs and the whole mass of photographers screaming your name at the same time from all directions. Agent 99 (me) went right after top 10 Agent Cheyenne Jackson. Back-stage I introduced myself and told him I was a fan.

"Nice glitter," he says because of course I'm drenched in it. "Thanks," I say, and launch into my signature sentence: "If you're not sparkling.." but before I can finish, Cheyenne quickly adds: "Then what's the point?" Nice twist!

Cheyenne in Out 100 issue as...Marlon Brando? Stella!!!
Here's Thom, me, and Casper as...Nathan Detroit? In beautiful suits we had to return.
Here's Casper (right) with boyfriend Ryan looking fab in head to toe Marc Jacobs! Borrowed Marc Jacobs! Their wardrobe is all the more fairy tale fab knowing it all had to be Returned by Tuesday...
With a free drink in his hand, Cooldan should not be this confused.
Fire Island boys--how oddly exciting to see them in winter-time!
Me and porn pup Brent Corrigan
Me & Brent, staged for dramatic effect.
I also ended up with Brent's jacket...and inside were his invisiline clear braces..the top, and the bottom! Thankfully, I was able to return his dental records later in the weekend.

Also honored at the party was NPR's Ari Shapiro---and when I saw him at the party, I recognized him but I wasn't sure where from. He came over to me, and says, "Jesse Archer--did you know we both went to Beaverton High School?" Imagine the shock!

Ari was four years behind me, so I never knew him--but I did recognize him because he looks a lot like...his brother---who I did attend high school with. Suddenly, I couldn't concentrate on Chelsea Handler, the Labelle's or any party performer because I just couldn't get over the fact that two boys from suburban Beaverton, Oregon were there at all.

I mean, it's been ages since I've seen a fellow Beaver! It's been even longer since I felt so alone & confused growing up. Ari tells me that now there's even a gay/straight alliance at our old high school. How things change, and quickly!

Here's Ari (right) in the Out 100 as...Edward Murrow?
Ari's husband Michael; Ari & Jesse---go Beavers!
Afterward, we ended the night at dirty dive bar the Boiler Room--and while I was sitting on a couch chatting away, some drunk queen put my shoelace in the candle, lit it on fire, and took a photo. He didn't realize that, of course, they are borrowed shoes!

Returned by Tuesday. Slightly singed.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Bring it, GAYS!

Last night's peaceful protest against Prop (H)8 turned out 10,000 strong in front of the Mormon Temple ("Tax this Church!"), and later marching down to Columbus Circle. At one point, when the police detoured the march down 61st street, and toward the park, someone yelled "where are we going?" and some queen (was it me?) screams out "The Rambles!!"

It was amazing to see our community out there. I looked around and saw--friends from my several years here in NYC, a friend from LA who lives here now, the go-go I slept with, my favorite fag hag, that couple who lives in Brooklyn, Jon-Jon the DJ, Justin Bond; everywhere I looked was someone I knew. We were joined together--in sober solidarity. Beautiful.

Whoopi Goldberg was there, too, along with every last gaylebrity, and some seriously hot boys.

Hands down the best sign of the night?

"We can't ALL marry Liza!"

Matt Rettenmund has better pics up over at Boy Culture, but here's a few of mine:

a page from the abridged gay commandments
And a page (left) from the unabridged
I don't know....does she have a penis?
Since Mormons got their "temple garments"...into such a twist over the possibility of our equal rights, I made this sign:
Jesse, Christian, Mich Lyon
That's right, sista!
Stephen 1.0, Scott, Chad, Mich, Stephen 2.0, Bam Bam
I'm looking forward to the nation-wide protest this saturday. In New York, we'll be at City Hall. To find out about where/when to protest in your city, go here.

I know some of you may rather be shopping at Barney's because you feel protesting doesn't make a difference; that only a votes matter, or awaiting legislation, or not ruffling feathers by snarling traffic. I disagree. Not only do protests unify us, they remind us we all deserve equality. And organizations who supported the passage of prop 8 (here is a link to the anti-gay blacklist) now know we will no longer take this sitting down. Change has to start somewhere. It may as well start now. No more Mr. Nice Gay!

Their Agents are gonna LOVE this

Prop 8 protest news coming---but pre-protest I headed to the set of Big Gay Musical to finish interviewing the cast for their DVD extras. Here I interview actor Daniel Robinson (currently appearing in Hairspray), and porn star Brent Corrigan. They are both absolutely adorable.

I had heard that Brent Corrigan had it in his contract that he would show his ass, but "no orifice". I never use acronyms, but LMFAO!!!! I was instructed to "be nice" in the interview, but you know I had to go there. Also, Daniel's mother was on set yesterday to show support. So you know I had to segue right into that! It'll all probably land on the cutting room floor, but it made for a fun chat.

Jesse talks to pre-coital Daniel and Brent

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Attention all Bloods: please put down the blades

My friend Sharon teaches writing to high school students up in Harlem. She loves her kids, but most of the time is spent babysitting--quieting them down, forcing them to pay attention, etc. One day recently was a particular bad day. The kids just would not listen. They kept disrupting her lesson with incessant chatter. Finally, when Sharon had had enough, one of her students told her why they just couldn't pay attention:

"I'm sorry, Miss Sharon, but today is Female Bloods Initiation Day!!!"

Turns out her kids were in a tizzy because on "Female Bloods Initiation" day, all the new Bloods gang girls run around Harlem cutting people with blades.

I can just hear the matter-of-factness in Sharon's voice when she replied, "Alright. Are there any female Bloods in this classroom?" before carrying on with her lesson plan.

Oh, and you've got to check out these kids writings. Sharon's getting some terrific stuff out of these students. For one lesson, they wrote about "place" by "Using specific sensory details to bring your writing alive." The place they wrote about was their homes.

Check the link above to read about life in Spanish Harlem....where

"if you walk around looking like an idiot you will get stomped….fast."

Also in Spanish Harlem, one may spot "fake hair on the ground" (!!!)

You can also read from a student who writes about Canarsie, Brooklyn:

"When I walk out my front door it smells like hot garbage and wet dog."

Sensory details, indeed! Genius! Suddenly I really, really want to teach high school.

But I'm concerned I may get

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

See you at the Protest--TOMORROW!

Redefining Marriage? How dare we! Oh wait, it's been re-defined several times.

What would've happened if interracial marriage were put to a state-wide vote instead of being passed by judges in 1967 Virginia?

The Mormon Church directed its followers to do everything they could to pass prop 8, going so far as to say that "souls would be in jeopardy" if they did not do so. That's right, souls in "heaven" are now denying rights on earth. Is Anne Heche/Celestia involved here?

While the Mormon Church is not the sole bigot in this fight, they did donate over 22 million dollars to pass prop 8. So it's a good place to focus our efforts. If you're in New York, put on your secret panties and come tomorrow at 6:30 in front of the Mormon Church in the UWS (125 Columbus Ave at 65th Street). Full Information here.

Be there---and bring signs. Michael Musto is calling this protest the "invite of the year!"

If there's one thing we gain from the passage of prop 8, let it be unity: leather queens, chelsea boys, lesbians, transgendered, urinal men, religious (Mormon?) gays, log cabinites, straight allies, and I will even extend a special invitation to the militant country-western queers from Remington's in DC----let's come together.

As an example for how we can/should/must come together against discrimination, let me share this little story from a woman, Leigh, who I met last weekend. Leigh's straight, and used to work at the Gay & Lesbian Center, facilitating a support group for lesbians with breast cancer. She didn't know how the lesbians might react if they knew she was straight, so she didn't mention it. But one time she went away for the weekend and when she returned one lesbian asked her who she went away with. Meekly, she replied, "My.....husband."

"I was outed!" Leigh told me, and it was not a pretty scene in the lesbian breast cancer room.

"You're straight!?!?!" The lesbians erupted in outrage. This went on for a minute or so until one gigantic bull dyke stood up. "I don't care if she's a martian!" she bellowed, "I've got cancer, and Leigh's helping."

And that was that.

Let us remember that story as we come together with all factions and varieties of friends and allies from around the country to protest peacefully together tomorrow here in New York City. 6:30pm in front of the Mormon Church at 65th and Columbus.

Not in NYC? Here's something else vital you can do. Under I.R.S. law, churches are not allowed to influence legislation. They are to remain neutral and not favor the passage of any law. That is what keeps them tax exempt. Now since the Mormon church has so flagrantly aided the passage of heinous prop 8, please print out and file a formal complaint to strip the Mormon church of their tax-exempt status. (That last link tells you how to do everything--it's easy, you can email, fax, or mail it in). If you are gay, you pay full taxes without full rights. Why should Mormons be tax-free? Do something.

This is the end of apathy. They cannot take away rights. And I don't care if they're martians!

Monday, November 10, 2008

Agent 99

It is my great privilege to be including among the OUT 100 this year. This list, according to, is "our unashamedly subjective list of the gay men and women who moved culture -- ours and the culture at large -- over the past year. These artists, activists, athletes, and aesthetes embody triumph, daring, ingenuity, and integrity."

It includes people like Ian McKellen, Rachel Maddow, and Edward Albee. And when I went for the shoot at Indochine, they were busy shooting those Canadian mini-twins who are D Squared, as well as Alan Ball--creator of Six Feet Under. So this past weekend I was out with two friends (frienemies?) who were discussing my inclusion to such an illustrious list. I admitted that Jesse on the brink just barely squeaked into the Out 100. And they responded in turn:

Friend 1: "Agent 99"
Friend 2: "...point 5"

Genius! My sincere thanks to the editors for my inclusion.

The issue will be on newsstands soon. In it, I appear with Thom Filicia (designer from Queer Eye), & director Casper Andreas. The theme for the feature is Classic Hollywood and our pic (shot by Roger Erickson) was inspired by Guys & Dolls. "So who's the doll?" I asked at the time. What I should've asked was "Who's the guy?"

Thom Filicia, Jesse Archer, Casper Andreas
This is the only time you'll see me in a $15,000 Tom Ford suit! I tried to keep it, believe me. At one point I even told the fashion editor I got a little of my DNA on the pants. "Nice try," was the reply. Kudos to OUT for such an excellent issue. Check out all the honorees here....

Brazilian Bombshell Beaver!

As a little follow up to that last post, it turns out that dear old Carmen Miranda tempered her garish costumes by dancing commando! Thanks, reader Marc, for sending this my way...

How fitting the first vagina to appear on this blog should be that of our tutti frutti friend
For some history on the photo, click the pic below.  This may have been the closest Cesar Romero himself actually got to a naked pussy.   He was one of Hollywood's many "confirmed bachelor" gays. 

Sunday, November 09, 2008

This hangover was BANANAS!

What a whacky weekend! 

Starting Friday in Brooklyn at Sugarland with DJ Aaron Elvis and Bianca del Rio who judged a dance-off between me and an Asian twink. Somehow I lost despite the fact my interpretive dance included hand stands.  On the upset, a friend clapped my back, "It's the Obama-factor". 

The performer I really should've lost to was a drunk girl from San Diego doing a pole dance on the subway back into Manhattan.  Not only was it a full-car, multiple-pole dance, she added an original song to her not-so-private dance, all of it a variation of her base lyric: "Can't have this pole!" LMAO!  A singing pole dancer?  The rapture is nigh.

Saturday, after two parties in Queens, this queen headed to meet Bam Bam for a loft party in Tribeca. After closing it (of course), the night culminated in Bam Bam getting cited for public urination!  He now has to go to court---it's a "criminal offense"!  If it were me I would've simply zipped up and run, but Bam is sweetly compliant.  The police never even got out of their vehicle!  I mean, if you're going to cite me, bitch, get out of your car and come for me. 

So the weekend was a mad cap, liquor sogged, free for all...kind of like the movie I just watched. Yes, when we got up with a hangover this morning (afternoon?), I went straight for the cure: CARMEN MIRANDA!

Ok, so maybe one person's cure is another person's poison because after the first three minutes of "The Gang's All Here", a Carmen Miranda/Busby Berkeley bonanza, Bam Bam yells, "No more!!!" 

Ok, so maybe it's happened before that I've rented loony old time musicals, prompting him to threaten revocation of privileges to his Netflix DVD queue, but today he rushed his criminal-self to the computer and promptly changed the password on me! 

For that, I'm hiding this film in the house and never returning it!  Lady in the Tutti Frutti Hat will be making random, yet regular recurrences to our television screen!  Let me just tell you about this movie.  It really, ok, it just defies.  First off you see a ship in the NY harbor, and a humongous net of lowered fruit that ends, yes, in Carmen Miranda's head.  

Where we go from there has everything to do with the mad genius/attention deficit suffering Busby Berkeley, who actually never stops moving his camera (that part is not helping the hang over).  And the plot?  Who needs plot? Carmen Miranda is here with plot-free relations to the star of the picture, Alice Faye who may or may not get together with the love interest by the end (she's got a show to do instead).  Aside from that, there are subplots that are touched upon but never completed, like the one about the dowdy older lady who's being blackmailed over the secret that years ago she was a notorious dancer in Paris who went by the name of "Blossom"! Oh, and Carmen Miranda's name in the film?  Dorito.

It gets better. Old Busby completely forgoes wrapping up the plot in favor of....a finale!  It's a musical within a musical (to sell war bonds, people!  For $5,000 a pop!) which starts with Alice Faye wending her way through a dance floor filled with couples of dancing 8 year olds (?!) to sing a number about her great aunt who used to dance the polka in 1880.  You haven't truly enjoyed a hangover until you watch Alice Faye sing in total, misty-eyed earnestness:  "The Polka dance is gone, but the polka dot...the polka dot lives on!" 

That segues, naturally, into several more numbers that have nothing to do with one another except that it is Busby Berekely...and he is having a FIELD DAY.  I particularly enjoy the psychedelic sci-fi number with Star Trek spandex with glowing neon hula hoops.  And let's not forget the gymnast/contortionist/dancer woman who does a hands-free forward flip on repeat. Put the sexually suggestive Berkeley numbers with a charisma-free Benny Goodman and the peer-free Carmen Miranda, and you've got a film like none ever seen before or seen since.  

For just a taste, check out Carmen performing "Lady in the Tutti Frutti Hat".  Please note the amazing lyrics at about 2:09 into this extravaganza (I would love for someone to get me a clip of this bit), where she coos: 

"Some people say I dress too gay but every day I feel so gay and when I'm gay I dress that way...Is something wrong with that? NaaaoooooO!"  

Carmen Miranda, I'm with you.   I mean, I am you.  Er, I'm in love with you! 

Saturday, November 08, 2008

The World Reacts to President-Elect Obama

I especially like the dinosaur. Click to make bigger.

Friday, November 07, 2008

False Advertising!

I got a message from a Facebook friend this morning asking if I could help him land a job at Farmer's Insurance. Because, you know, he saw me on their website. Huh?

Here is a very good reason never to model for stock photography.

My face next to "career opportunities?" What's next? The homeless for rent-control?

Thursday, November 06, 2008


What would happen if INTERRACIAL MARRIAGE had been put to popular vote?

It wouldn't have stood a chance.

What would happen to cults if their FREEDOM OF RELIGION were put to popular vote?

Um, yeah, chased further than Utah...

The Mormon Church has donated over 22 Million dollars to ban gay marriage. Do you think they deserve to be tax-exempt? Mormons stole our rights, so let there be no more apathy. Let us do something. Start here. Check out this website and sign the petition.

According to IRS law, status as a "religious organization" includes this clause:

no substantial part of the activities of which is carrying on propaganda, or otherwise attempting, to influence legislation, and which does not participate in, or intervene in (including the publishing or distribution of statements), any political campaign on behalf of (or in opposition to) any candidate for public office.

The fact remains (and sadly, it must be reiterated at each and every opportunity) that our constitution is a SECULAR document, meant to protect minorities from the tyranny of the masses. Mormons, the religious right, a majority of racial minorities and the elderly all ought to understand this document better than they apparently do. Here's a link that goes straight to the Governator, asking to re-open prop 8. Sign it.

Not So Super Duper Prop 8

Check this out! So Super Duper is a comic book about a gay superhero named Psyche. Psyche's not your run-of-the-mill superhero, his superpower is the ability to feel the emotions of others. To some, that may not even feel like a superpower. But he's proving 'em wrong. Because he's saving the day and nothing short of super-duper!

My fabulous virtual friend Brian Andersen, who lives in California, is Psyche's creator. And there are some days that there are drawbacks to being a different kind of (deeply feeling) hero.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008


President fucking Obama. Holy Shit!

Black is the new white house. The aristocracy has been toppled. How awesome is that?!
I didn't hold out too much hope yesterday.... because I hoped in 2004 and felt some painful after-shocks in the realization that my countrymen could be so short-sighted. This election has such an enormous global impact. We have decided to shift the direction of the human race.

I am so excited to go overseas again. If you are an American who travels overseas, you know it's been a hard 8 years. Yet foreigners do understand that if you are traveling in their countries you are a different kind of American; one with perspective. It is very difficult to have a new, broad perspective if you never leave home. That's why I believe that most conservatives do not travel overseas much, if at all.

I also can't shake the feeling that travel would solve all of our problems. Put simply, you don't drop bombs on places you've been to. And when you see more of the world's diversity, you come to celebrate it...instead of fearing it. That's why all those Californians who passed prop 8 need to get a passport and get the hell out for a little look-see.

Proposition 8 has outlawed gay marriage in California. These bigots and religious zealots have nothing to celebrate in their "victory" except for smug sanctimony. It gives me some solace to know that they will not be rewarded for this in heaven because the only heaven is here and they've chosen to make it a hateful place. And what about people of color? Would there have been civil rights if it was put to popular vote? Sadly, blacks voted 69 to 31 in favor of this hateful measure and I don't see black leaders condemning prop 8 or defending our civil rights. Where is Rev Al Sharpton? Pitiful.

I would hope that I would stand up for any minority group, as many straight people have and continue to do for us, should they be denied civil rights.

On a positive note, four years ago the vote wouldn't even have been close.

Aaron Hicklin, editor of OUT, wrote an excellent article about it today. He advises to remember that we are equal, even though the law and some of our neighbors tell us we aren't. We must all decide to let this make us stronger, not more cynical. This loss cannot put a damper on the fact we won a bigger battle yesterday. As they sing in hairspray, You can't stop an avalanche as it races down the hill! Yesterday was bittersweet, but equality is coming. It's just going to take a little more time.

Yesterday, as the western polls closed and Washington, Oregon, and California went blue...the networks finally called the election for Obama. Immediately, there were screams and impromtu pots and pans clanging in the streets. We joined them for a night of rejoicing in regime change.

Bam Bam, me (as Obama, baby) and Cooldan on St. Marks
St. Marks is the epicenter of radical arts and activism. Even with recent gentrification, St. Marks remains the heart of American counter-culture. I live one block away. The people poured into the street rioting with excitement, songs and chants. The police ended up closing off the street.

St. Marks Place, for President Obama
Then we found Daniel Nardicio, out carousing in the Playgirl party van a.k.a the "Shaggin' Wagon". We went everywhere from the East Village to Hell's Kitchen and back. Driving around we hit Lucky Chengs, the Cock, Nowhere, Therapy, Eastern Bloc, and the Boiler Room!

Daniel, Ian, Adam, Myles, and Cooldan
Cooldan recently got his finger chopped off by a window that came crashing down when he was trying to ash his cigarette. They had to reattach it surgically. Eww. This setback naturally didn't stop him from climbing atop the Playgirl party van to celebrate with the locals.

We actually blocked traffic with this maneuver, and the taxi cabs on 1st avenue couldn't get around. They were honking madly...but, get this, they were honking FOR us.

That's my shoe on the right.
St. Marks and 1st Avenue. Site of spontaneous block party for Obama!

Ok, so now for the politically incorrect funnies: so last night Harlem was just bursting with excitement. At one of the bars, we see footage from Harlem and someone says, "I haven't seen the blacks this excited since the O.J. verdict!"

Then we stopped in at Nowhere bar, just when Obama's acceptance speech was about to begin. There were millions of people on that lawn in Chicago waiting for him, and I couldn't help but remark, "Wouldn't it be genius if Obama arrived at the stage with Ayers and Rev. Wright?" Someone next to me chimes in, "Yeah, and Putin!" Another guy says, "And special guest Osama Bin a birka!" Imagine hundreds of thousands of collective mouths agape. Genius.

Obviously, that didn't happen. And his speech was history. We all watched, rapt, at the dingy bar, and at one point Obama said: "For all those watching overseas in parliaments and palaces, and listening in forgotten corners of the planet..." and some queen shouts out, "like gay bars!"

One final note, John McCain reclaimed his dignity last night with that gracious and honorable speech. If he had run his whole campaign that way, I wonder if things would've gone different.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

One Small Tick for Obama....

Did my civic duty this morning and waited in line with the rest of the country to vote. Amazing, how we have these huge, 50's era refrigerator machines here in New York. And again the election officials were a hot mess. The one supposed to pull the lever to count my vote was on his cell phone the entire time, not knowing when people were coming or leaving the booth. As if he had better things to do.

You may recall last election the official couldn't figure out how in the hell to alphabetize Archer. I really hope this our country's "change" involves new election regulations (and volunteers).

The line to vote snaked around the block. It took about an hour, but not without entertainment!

There were reporters on hand.
There was a mobile bake-sale on hand!
The paleozoic period refrigerator machines were on hand!
After the vote, I went for more entertainment at the Actor's Playhouse on 7th avenue where they are currently filming the gay indie film "Big Gay Musical". This creation was written and produced by Fred Caruso, directed by Casper Andreas, and stars the most adorable dancing twinks! I was there to interview cast and crew for a behind-the-scenes DVD featurette.

The hysterical Steve Hayes plays God.
The film is being shot on a SAG ultra-low budget, so they needed extras to be in the "audience" of the musical within a musical. Their make-up man Chad is doing double duty, being used over-time as a "head" in the staged audience.

I was talking with him when a PA walks up and says to him, "We need the back of your head in the audience." Chad says to me, "They only want me for my head." "Go on then," I told him. "Give good head."

And who wouldn't give good head to this?

Often the best view is behind (the scenes)

Monday, November 03, 2008

The Final Day

It's big, it's bossy, it's taken over our lives! The presidential election is tomorrow, so don't forget to vote--be ready to stand in a long line, take your ID, and make sure you're going to the right precinct. If you don't know where to vote, go here to find out.

We know all about misleading robo-calls, mailings claiming the vote is actually wednesday (and not tomorrow), smears, and lies....what we're most sick about is voter fraud. It's incredible how we claim to be the bastion of democracy, sending voting monitors over to Haiti or Kosovo or Iraq to insure fair voting, but we can't guarantee it here.

I've no doubt that behind-the-scenes law teams are right now amassing a giant lawsuit in case of another election theft. Let's be extra vigilant at the polls. If a voting machine is malfunctioning, talk to a poll worker about an emergency paper ballot. If you're not listed, make sure you have your ID and ask for a provisional ballot. If any of this happens (or more), be bold, be loud and speak out. Call Election Protection and report everything: 1-800-OUR-VOTE.

The only silver lining I see in this muck is (isn't it always) humor. I'm loving the snarky comments to articles and blogs found on the web. Here's a couple of gems from today:

From the Right:

"Obama will promise anything to get votes. If dogs could vote, he'd promise a hydrant on every corner."

From the Left:

"Today, the McCain campaign will announce that Obama is a space alien on a quest to conquer earth."

VOTE TOMORROW. Ok? Let's get this done.

Saturday, November 01, 2008

What Happens in Vegas...

Vegas is America! Totally extravagant, totally trashy. A fantasy, a slum. Giant human creatures lumber down the aisles of an endless all-you-can-eat buffet. And world class athletes perform on the inovative stages of Cirque du Soleil. This time I saw their latest, KA, with a raked hydraulic stage. If you want to be inspired, and to remember just how incredible it is to be alive, I'd say go to Burning Man, and one of Cirque du Soleil's stationary shows in Vegas.

But then you'll leave the theatre and be swallowed right back into the tawdry truth of it all...

At the all-u-can-eat buffet, we're faced with a metaphysical dilemma. The country fried waffle or the pancake casserole?
On the way back into the Monte Carlo one night (around 5 am), I was so crunk I sat down to play some slots. After a spell, I sat up from a blackout and hailed a passing waitress. "Why isn't it letting me play?" I asked, disturbed. "It's not lighting up anymore." She looked at me curiously, "Because you have to put money into the machine," she advised.

I was so drunk that I was literally passing out onto the machine. "So do you want a drink?" she asked. "Yes," I stuttered.
Meanwhile, the men of Playgirl took their clothes off in an MGM suite.
Is that a straight bottom soaking in the tub?
It is strictly forbidden to take photos on the casino floor.
...but did you see all the dotted cameras on the ceiling? And how about this ceiling, in the Venetian. It's so much easier for Americans to fly to Vegas than Italy. Here they speak English, take dollars, and have all-you-can-eat buffets. It's like traveling, only you don't have to deal with foreign culture.
The fountain at the Bellagio puts on free choreographed routines every half an hour. This one was set to Elvis's "Viva Las Vegas". At least something's getting exercise around here!

Vegas is always changing. There are cranes, cranes everywhere. Being from New York, we were always hyper aware of the cranes, ever-ready to dash off should they care to come crashing down. The cranes below are constructing a new casino and living space called "City Center", which destroyed the Boardwalk Casino, home of the cheapest all-u-can-eat buffet on the strip (and hence, my favorite).

This sprawling new monolith will feature a casino, rooms, and condos for living! In Vegas, hotel room windows only open about 2 inches. There are no balconies, either, just in case you lose lots of money gambling and feel the need to pitch yourself down 30 stories to merciful death.

However, as seen below, the new city center condos will feature actual balconies! But if gambling away your life savings is enough to make you jump, just imagine living on the strip.

New construction and "hot babes". Vegas, baby, Vegas.
Vegas is the LEAST GAY CITY in the world. Yes, that is a blender on her head.
New York, New York. Never far from home.