Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Miami My Vice

Still processing the whirlwind press tour I took to Miami this week. There were gay journalists from all over the world and the Miami Tourism's goal was to show us that there's way more to Miami than sun, surf, and hard bodies. See, I never knew!

Let's just say their goal was achieved...and then some! We had incredible hosts (thanks Jennifer and Malcolm), and I really enjoyed the International company. I'll be doing a write up for Gay List Daily, but here's a brief rundown of the highlights for when you're headed to gay Miami:

Pelican Hotel--Art Deco splendor, right on South Beach. I fell in love with my room and, for the first time ever, the color of seafoam green. Yes, and I'm still gay.

Paradigm "Test Kitchen" dinner: Noemi's at Trump International. 10 seats, 10 out-of-this world dishes. We're talking radishes and white chocolate; scallops and marshmallows; wasabi sorbet and peas. I know, I will never forget this experience. Plus I met this great PR girl named Vanessa.

Casa Casuarina. This is the former Versace Mansion! Not just a murder site, it's a fabulous boutique hotel and restaurant. They took us to breakfast and on a tour of the splendor. We got to see the "Madonna" and "Elton John" rooms. You know I went in the bathroom and took a good long gander at where Madonna once took a tinkle!

Little Havana! We ate at this really authentic Cuban place and saw where a ton of the Cuban migrants came to settle in the states. "Castro" is a swear word, and it all sort of made me want to sue the government for my consititutional right to visit Cuba!

Canyon Ranch. This is a "spa, with a hotel" just north of SoBe. NoBe? There's exercise classes, a rock wall, and we got to relax in their "Aquavana" spa. This place I've got to go back--you had an "igloo" right across from the sauna that not only chills you, but scented frigid mist sprayed down from above. Ok! Oh, and the showers? They have different settings. "Atlantic Storm" and "Caribbean Monsoon" with lights blinking and water shooting at you, hot and cold, from all directions. A riot in there!

Mandarin Oriental, Miami. We moved to this luxury hotel on our 3rd day. It's on Brickell Key downtown and man, I could get used to this kind of service. I finally understood those people who go on vacation and never want to leave the hotel.

MGLFF. We hit the Miami Gay and Lesbian Film Festival for their opening night at this really kitsch fabulous theatre, the Gusman, and saw a great Swedish film "Patrick 1.5" which I highly recommend. It's about a gay couple who adopt a kid they think is 1.5, but really he's 15 and... homophobic! Was great to be at the festival, and see some friends (Hi Kareem!) for the first time since my film premiered there in 2007.

Brosia. (above) We had brunch at this great outdoor restaurant in the Design District. Also some really great mix-up of brunch dishes like Pancakes, cornbread, and Salmon! The Design District isn't much to write home about, yet. There's lots of potential there.

Madame Butterfly. Okay, we only lasted one Act. Hey, if you're getting married and it takes you a full hour to KISS, and only then when it gets dark and you're behind a scrim...damn, it made me very happy to be gay. Don't you just want to put opera on Fast Forward? Sorry, Puccini!

Miami World Cinema Center. I've never seen an organization like this! They promote filmmaking in Miami and will help young filmmakers with their script, pre-production, locations, actors, even funding. Wow! Please remind me to set my next script in Miami!

There's so much more to talk about, but this is my blog! Not a promotional packet! Let's just say I have a whole new appreciation for the place. Could be because I previously only thought of Miami as sun, surf, and hard bodies. It's one gorgeous creature after the next down there. Ay, Papi!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I know why you come here!

Frozen Dildos, Spanking Adult Babies, and Blowjob Classes. Those are the top three internet searches that lead directly to my blog!

What's left to lay claim to? I'm so glad I can satisfy this unquenchable desire for the freak show. I am a veritable steward of sundry smut! So since you've all been sated, I now ask of you!

You thought you'd heard the end of fundraising for my new film, right? Oh, the end is near! And I can't wait! We've created the LLC for "Fruit Fly Films" and have raised over half the budget. Almost there!

Keep in mind, "Bye Bye, Fruit Fly" is the follow up to independent hits Slutty Summer and A Four Letter Word so as we like to say, this investment is more solid than the stock market! Check out our business plan and proposal here, and be part of our family. I'd love your involvement, dear readers!

Oh, if you have a relatively large office space or apartment in NYC that we can use free of charge next week for casting (you could watch all the magic begin) please write me:

Several of you have already come forward and become investors. Several more have sent financial support, and others have volunteered their services. Thank you all so very much! I knew I meant far more to you than just a peppy purveyor of provocative adult babies getting spanked...


Long Lost Carioca Sister?

My friend JMP was walking the mosaic sidewalks of Rio de Janeiro looking for trouble. And he found it! In the shape of my long lost sister Candy.

JMP says she has my same look, only with fuller lips, and that with her uncanny ability to pull off Kindgergarten Chic, she has developed a stronger fashion acumen. I really shouldn't be ashamed of her. Candy, if you read this, you can come home if you tell me how you stay so skinny!

Monday, April 27, 2009

The poster has two faces!

The new True Blood (season 2) poster is up outside my apartment. I didn't get it at first, but I knew I wasn't getting the full picture. Looking at the small poster here, it's much easier to see what it is. The poster outside my house is about 6 foot tall, and I kept staring and staring and couldn't get it until I sort of crossed my eyes and focused on the black and then it all came screeching into view. At first I thought it was just a random blood slick.

I love this kind of stuff, it's visual proof that there is more than one way to look at things. And that the mind has the power to perceive, if we choose to use it.

It reminds me of the one below. Do you see a young woman, or an old woman? Can you see both? Keep looking!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Stabbed in the Back

I've been betrayed by a person who I thought was a friend. It makes me (and Bam) physically ill to think about what happened and yet all I can do is think about it: questioning why? Does he think I'm a bad person/friend? When did his feelings for me turn from warmth to animosity? Why couldn't this person talk about the situation face to face with me? Can you believe I only found out because he used an unwitting BAM BAM to help throw me under the bus?!

I haven't felt this way since my parents told me they were canceling my tuition check to college because I was gay. Since that friends became my family. The ones I could trust. Betrayal is one of the hardest things to cope with because now I'm suddenly paranoid. Who are my real friends? It appears I cannot use the term lightly.

Someone (on Facebook of all places) wrote a very kind message telling me to wish this person well and release him back into the universe and that someone else will come to fill his place. So that's what I'm doing. The revenge I was scheming in the form of reciprocal betrayal, isn't going to happen. My revenge will be to take away my friendship. It's the most important thing anyone has to give.

I hope whatever he gained was worth it.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Flags of the Future?

If we keep evolving; if we (the species) survive, in which ways we may evolve? When, one day, quiet spirituality replaces religious dogma we may one day focus on what we share in common rather than what divides us. For some reason I foresee a future where humans don't associate themselves with their nations.

Today we can't imagine a world without radical patriotism. We're brought up to consider our country as ourselves--an identity as fierce (and sometimes as foolish) as a sports team fanatic.

I know it sounds like treason, but try to imagine a world where we didn't refer to ourselves as Americans or as Swiss or as Pakistani, but rather citizens of the planet. All working together it? We may have to. Maybe there are more important things than nations and property and "holy" or "promised" lands? Maybe we will all be peaceful nomads--because isn't it being sedentary that breeds extreme religion, patriotism, and...lethargy of mind?

Perhaps one day we'll go back to the idea that we belong to the earth, the earth does not belong to us? I remember the native Americans couldn't understand white people, and their absolutely absurd idea of owning the earth!!???

Am I totally off my head here? Can anyone else picture some version of this?

Of course to achieve this there are major obstacles. The whole planet would have to be free---we are proud of our homes because first and foremost we are FREE. Then we'd have to kill avarice. We would also have to have evolved beyond the brutish force of superstition and small minds that has historically mass-murdered the free-thinkers, radicals and subversives who would surely have advanced us all a lot sooner.

If that kind of future is in store, it's a long way off.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Miss California = Fail!

Yay for the 1st amendment! Anyone catch Miss USA last night? Where Perez Hilton asked Miss California her thoughts on gay marriage? She said she believed marriage was only between a man and a woman...and good for her for speaking her mind and not giving us some platitude. She's now claiming that question (or rather, her answer) cost her the crown. Probably true. She placed 2nd. As I read the comments on the Huffington Post story, I see a lot of people support her right to free speech. So do I!

Sometimes the comments are actually better than the story. Take the following exchange.

Here's a sample comment from a Miss California fan:

I applaud Carrie Prejean for not compromising her beliefs and refraining from being "politically correct". She remained true to herself---not intimidated by the judge who I am sure was strategically planted for the purpose of discrediting Carrie's views. Thankfully, she had enough integrity to stand on what she believes in her heart is a moral value.

And a response to that comment, which puts it all in perfect perspective:

And now she knows how it feels to be an also-ran, a second-class, a runner-up. Her sash as second place means about as much as a civil union. It's a cute consolation prize.

Sunday, April 19, 2009


If I can't get my own personal bailout, give it to the frickin' MTA! This proposed 30% fair hike couldn't come at a better time! Shouldn't a nation-wide depression make things cheaper? Go here to tell Albany to Halt the Hike.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Dolly Parton new RACK...of hits!

The sun is out and people are (gasp!) actually wearing short sleeves. That's a first this year--and it took til April 18! What am I doing in New York City? It's a question that often passes through my mind. But then I have an incredible night at a fancy 103 year old restaurant and a fabulous Broadway show---courtesy of a brand new friend (thank you, AJ!) and suddenly I remember why I'm here! Why would I ever leave? For

9 to 5 on Broadway is a bubbly infectious thing. It's hits and tits! Written by the reputed nicest person in fame, and everyone's favorite Backwoods Barbie (Dolly Parton) we all want to see it succeed! It's got a few good new songs, a story that wisely sticks close to the film, and a standout cast including a pitch-perfect Megan Hilty as Doralee, and a showstopping obsequious in-l0ve-with-the-boss secretary named Roz (Kathy Fitzgerald).

To be fair, 9 to 5 felt like it went over-time. They could've shaved off a half hour and punched it up into a knockout. It's still in previews, so maybe they'll do that by the time it premieres next month and even if they don't---who's gonna complain about spending a little extra time in the 1980's?! Time to switch to Sanka!

If you're not yet convinced---check out the promo piece "Good Golly, Miss Dolly!" I wrote up for the show on Gay List Daily-- before I even saw it. Go, girl power!

Friday, April 17, 2009

Only $8K to Greenlight!

Half the funds are raised for my new feature: Bye Bye, Fruit Fly! We have $112K and are only $8K away from greenlight (!)...and another $80K to full budget.

A huge thanks to those beautiful people who have already invested---and if you're considering coming on board, now is a great time! Check out our business plan and proposal here---and feel free to pass along to anyone who may be interested in this opportunity. Membership has its advantages!!!

If you haven't heard, I've written a film which follows the last Fruit Fly--plus a bevy of hot boys—and will be the triple threat follow up to independent hits Slutty Summer and A Four Letter Word. Our good news was has already been featured on the Hollywood Reporter!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Cast Interviews by Michael Buckley!

A Four Letter Word cast interviews were held by my friend Michael Buckley who has the #1 youtube station...he had to have it! Buck took time out of his furious schedule to come to one of our AFLW screenings (when was that?) and then interview the cast the next morning.

I'm glad he had energy that morning, because I look like either a) I'm really afraid of Michael Buckley, or b) I tossed back 3 pre-interview Xanax. The answer is actually c) I was hung-over!

This video is 14 minutes long so if you don't have the time to catch me, Charlie David, Alison Lane and Virginia Bryan and Casper Andreas yapping about our on-set scandals here, the whole thing is also on the DVD along with many more fun featurette "extras"! XOXO

Whimsy Me!

Responding to the request, Brice in London gave me props! He's loaded me up with a collection of items from Bam's "Living with Jesse" posts....let's see--flying mimosas, choco-tinis, colored eggs, Bam's Havoc Stinger pestilence, my book stamp and, inexplicably, a partially eaten donut.

Oh yeah, and a BOA---of course!!

Thanks, Brice!


I got such a spike in traffic when I posted about being on set with Aniston----such an incredible spike---from sites dedicated to pop culture. This reminded me why I don't write about pop stuff, and why we as human beings should stop our obsession with it. I backtracked the links and found the most insidious displays of cyber-hate.

Thousands upon thousands of anonymous trolls are still ranting and raving about Aniston ("X") versus Jolie ("Grim Reaper"). Presumably these posts were written by adults. Presumably. It's truly incredible to think that people have nothing better to do with their time. Why all this truly irrational hate? I believe that sick people want to see other people in pain.

Or maybe it's just too easy to get away with?

My friend, blogger Kenneth Walsh recently wrote about how anonymous cyber hate forced him to disable anonymous comments and make posters accountable with a name and an email. Having been anonymously trashed myself (and written about it), I got the best theory from a commenter who gave quoted me the fuckwad equation:

Decent person + anonymity + audience = total fuckwad!

We can do better than this. Check out this Ad council piece, and let's delete this equation.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Warp me, baby

My virtual friend Brice, from London, is getting practice with photoshop and I got to be his guinea pig. I have no idea when this photo is from (he found it on Flickr), but I like it much better played with!

Exhibit A) The plastic-wrap effect: Although it looks more like the drowning-underwater effect which is really cool, because I always wanted to play Ophelia.

Exhibit B) the cut-up effect. Approaching Warhol. I look so much better without pores.
Exhibit C) The film grain effect: To shadow flaws and accentuate the 5 o'clock shadow. Grrr.
Exhibit D) The glowing edges effect. Did you know the guy who invented acid lived to 105? He last dropped acid when he was in his late 90's because he was depressed. But after all you've done TO me, Brice, what would you add? What kind of props do I get?

Since we're talking photo shop, I should really also toss in Cooldan's latest. He recently returned from the rainforests of Queensland, Australia where he got naked in waterfalls, avoided man-eating crocodilies, and survived to get back to NYC and create this self-portrait.

Rub-a-dub, dub!

Monday, April 13, 2009

Juliette Lewis..un-caged!

Just spent a couple nights on the penthouse set of the upcoming film "The B*aster". Tell you what--honestly---I never liked Jennifer Aniston. Maybe that's because I'm a hard core player for Team Jolie because I think Jolie really just takes Auntie Mame's sage advice and frickin' LIVES---whereas all I ever read about la Aniston is her whinging around her mansion in Malibu about how life sucks. But...I've changed my opinion.

I need to stop reading tabloids! She's not a diva, she's actually sweet. She's a girly girl, sure, but a good one. And you may think I can't know if she's a good girl or not just by standing beside her for a few hours over a couple of nights, but believe me---try it. You can tell a whole hell of a lot about a person when you're standing beside them all night. And the girl is cool.

The other actress in this film is Juliette Lewis who I totally adore, especially Hysterical Blindness ("Can you see now, Deb?!") and as a person she is totally different from Aniston. In fact, the only thing they share is, awkwardly enough, a history with Brad Pitt!!!

So Juliette Lewis walks onto set at about 4:30 in the morning for her scene. Walk is the wrong word. She bursts onto set. She's got dark hair with bangs and is wearing a purple dress and body glitter and she's supposed to dance over to Jason Bateman and do some ad-lib. His character is depressed at this point in the party. We do a rehearsal...and they are going to make up dialogue on the spot.

On "action" Juliette--yes, sparkling!--dances up to Jason Bateman and booms, out of left field, "So I have this recurring vision of you in a Mariachi suit on the edge of a cliff and...I just don't know what that means."

Jason Bateman looks at her blankly.

Juliette carries on, "...I thought you liked me."

"I did," he deadpans, "Before the bangs."

Without cracking, she takes this and asks, "So how long have you been spokesman for Zoloft?"

The director says cut! And Juliette blurts to the director and the entire room, "That was just a rehearsal--right? You weren't shooting that were you??......Because I was caging the magic."

OK!! She was caging the magic! Juliette Lewis is my new favorite person.

Then someone on set had to tell me she was a Scientologist and I started to think less of her. Damn. Got to stop reading the tabloids!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

#Amazon FAIL

You thought Twitter was this pointless, grating, self-serving site but look! So did I! But last week, Demi Moore's twits? Twats? alerted the authorities to save the life of a woman who was tweeting about how she was in the process of slicing open her veins.

I can also see how Twitter could help to galvanize a protest, or gather evidence from the scene of a crime. And's something that affects me directly!

If you're on Twitter--you'll see it's all abuzz with #amazonfail tags. It turns out that Amazon has de-ranked most of their gay titles. Why? Because they've deemed them "adult" (all gay stuff!).

Now what exactly is a "sales ranking", and why does it matter? Well, so if you search "gay travel in South America" you would normally find my book--because it's ranked, and it's on their site. But try that now. You won't find my book. Try typing my NAME in an Amazon search. You still won't find my book!!!

Unbelievable. Try typing "Gay Cowboys" and you will not find Brokeback Mountain!

Oh yes, the titles are still all there. Here's a link to mine. But you can't find them unless you type in the exact title...and go under not general, but the "books" department. It gets better-- if you go to Amazon and search the word "homosexuality", the first result you'll find is this:
#1"A Parent's Guide to Preventing Homosexuality"!!!!
#3? "You don't have to be gay"
#5) "Can Homosexuality Be Healed?"

Try it! This is insane. They're all faith based books! So who is behind this? Sally Kern? Jerry Falwell? Or the homophobes at Amazon? Time for a boycott!

Author Mike Probst wrote to Amazon about his de-ranking and got this response:

"In consideration of our entire customer base, we exclude 'adult' material from appearing in some searches and best seller lists. Since these lists are generated using sales ranks, adult materials must also be excluded from that feature.

So what is "Adult"? Did you know.... "American Psycho", Bret Easton Ellis' story of a sadistic murderer is still ranked. So is "Playboy: Six Decades of Centerfolds".

BUT....the biography of Ellen DeGeneres is de-ranked!!

The LA Times
just covered this story, too. They showed how the #1 gay book right now, "Unfriendly Fire" --Nathaniel Frank's well-reviewed empirical analysis of military policy "don't ask, don't tell"----does not have a sales rank! Which means, as the LA Times puts it:

("Unfriendly Fire") would not show up in Amazon's bestseller lists, even if it sold more copies than the "Twilight" series. In some cases, being de-ranked also means being removed from Amazon's search results.

Some writers have already come up with their own definition for "Amazon Rank" which ought to make urban-dictionary very soon! I just called and spoke to a frantic Amazon operator who's now told me it's a "glitch" and will be resolved. Seems a pretty targeted "glitch" and, what's more-- on the site you can see some GLBT authors were complaining about being de-ranked back in February.

To help change this, please sign this petition. Or you can go here and join this Facebook Group.

I hate to admit this--but if this blatantly homophobic "glitch" is suddenly fixed, we have Twitter to thank.

All hail the Twitter-verse!

----*UPDATE* this "glitch" was fixed 12:00 am Tuesday---

Live with Jesse #9

My first Easter Egg coloring! (It's not common in Australia). Jesse invests in numerous egg coloring kits to educate me how it's done. Very pedagogic. Swirl egg coloring was quite a treat, especially whilst inebriated.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Watch this HUMAN pup-show!!

Welcome to the Woof Camp at Chicago's IML where full grown men scamper around on all fours to bark, play fetch, and please their masters as playful puppies. This is absolutely out of this world, and it all happens at the Hyatt Hotel!!

Every dog deserves a bone. What a treat!

Thanks to Danny, Anderson and all the human puppies for their help with this project!

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Jesse & Bam Bam walkabout

Cooldan has got this great knack for 21st century portraits---with photoshop. I think he's got quite a future in this medium when I see the random things he comes up with. Like the one of himself bursting out of a martini glass. He takes a photo, and then just adds his imagination. Recently, he put one together of me & Bam Bam.

Jesse & Bam Bam are...PARCHED!

We were on Fire Island initially. But now we're stranded in some kind of Terry Gilliam-land. Not sure what he's trying to say with the desert and the lizards and ships that can't go anywhere. But it's pirate-groovy!

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

When in Antwerp...

Sing the Sound of Music in Central Station! Nothing like a mass Julie Andrews take-over in the train station. Check out this fun video...

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

The Pervert Dog!

This kills me every time---the pervert canine from Argentina. What!! Kinda makes me want to get a pet.

Monday, April 06, 2009

Carly Simon's Gay Wedding Copyright Infringement

Holy Hell! Iowa unanimously backed marriage equality! As Rachel Maddow put it, "Who'd of thought you could get married in Sioux City before you could in New York City?!" There's a great op-ed piece by Mike Alvear in the Huffington Post claiming this is good news for heterosexual marriages---one of his many reasons being that when we lessen homophobia we lessen fraudulent marriages.

I thought he meant the ones where the gay boy marries a woman so he can stay in the country with his boyfriend, since that's mostly what I see. I didn't stop to consider his (much more prevalent) point: the gays and lesbians who stifle their sexuality and get married only to ruin their life...and their suffering spouse's!

I attended my first state-side gay wedding here in New York last week (married in Connecticut, and recognized here) of my friends Pierce and Skie. They looked like two Ken Dolls up there!!

Skie & Pierce---here come the grooms!

Congratulations, guys! I wish them the best and hope they took a really long honeymoon somewhere way way way less wet than here.

I did not, you may ask, attend the exclusively black-tie reception, but I heard it was marvelous!

You all know how I feel about all that grim hogwash in the bible, but the attending priest was cool. He didn't just go through the motions, and during the service he actually took time out to mention that what he was doing was not something "political", but something right---and even took a moment to invite all present to come back to his inclusive congregation. For those interested: St. Bartholomews Episcopal.

He even invited everyone to come up and take communion. I respectfully declined, which marked the very first time I have actually turned down a drink! If I'd have known it was actual WINE and not some crappy Welch's grape juice, I would've done it! As communion was going on, there was this song playing and it was "Let the River Run", or at least I thought it was "Let the River Run" by Carly Simon. And this is not probably what I should've been thinking during communion but I have many years of experience with mind-wandering while pew-sitting, so there I was at a gay wedding, picturing Melanie Griffiths on the Staten Island Ferry--- commuting to work in that fabulous epic intro to "Working Girl"....but then the chord switched.

It wasn't the "Let the River Run" song, but the organist played this song over on a loop and YES, there was definitely a whole measure in there from "Let the River Run". I even turned to some of the gay boys in attendance and got confirmation: "Working Girl?" "Yes, Girl!" I'm thinking whoever wrote this song owes Carly Simon some copyright coin!!!

So I flip through the very elegant wedding program and find out who should be paying old Carly for this breach of copyright and then I find the name of the song:

"Arioso"----by Johann Sebastian Bach.

Okay! Carly Simon---you lifted Bach!!!

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Meryl Streep cracks walnuts with her teeth!

I worked four days straight last week on the set of a movie. It's not yet named, but the "Un*titled N*ancy M*eyers Project" needed extras to populate an indoor set in Brooklyn that doubled as an outdoor garden party in Santa Barbara (!)

I fit the Santa Barbara bill.

Anyway, we were supposed to be dancing on a deck and the scene is only 2 pages long. 2 pages could easily be done in a day. If it were a 2 page high speed action sequence in a thriller then yes---take 4 days. But a romantic comedy?

We were there 4 days, 12 hours-plus each day. The writer/director is a lady they call "Nancy 21" because she does like 21 takes of each set-up. Keep in mind, the actors here are: Alec Baldwin, Steve Martin, and Meryl Streep. Yes, they are shooting 20 takes of frickin' Meryl STREEP! On the bright side, that adorable pocket-twink Hunter Parrish was there all day, too, so at least we had something to look at.

But clearly the director believes this epic she's written is not a comedy, and rather the Godfather Part 4, because she is really type A to the max. I heard someone on set complain, "On the set of Parent Trap, they called her Nancy 31."

You can imagine the actors are all like, GAWD!! To their credit they were all truly amazingly professional. If they weren't so professional, the entire set would've been a disaster. Ocassionally, the super-cool Alec Baldwin would be like, "Goin' again right away!" because Nancy 21 never goes again right away---she watches the replay of each take before shooting again. But for the most part the actors tolerated her, and that is the right word: tolerate.

And after 12 hours on set you get really punchy. Extras, like me, were made to "dance" on the back porch and I was paired with this really busty, hot Polish girl named Natalia. Natalia and I went crazy after a while and I'd lift her on my hips and swing her around and the 2nd A.D. kept coming over to us and saying, "I told you before...KEEP IT P.G. rated!" (if I had a penny for the number of times I've heard a version of that!) By the time 14 hours rolled around, Natalia and I were so silly insane, she had given me a giant R-rated hickey on my neck.

And if you thought we were punch-drunk, imagine the actors! At one point Meryl Streep and Steve Martin are dancing on the back porch on, I don't know, take 15 of the same thing--without even any dialogue--when Nancy 21 says, "I take that back, Meryl, you can actually let go of Steve and do a little twirl by yourself this time."

At which point, Steve Martin says aloud, "Well if she gets to twirl, I'm going to peel an orange." And Meryl giggles, "Well if he gets to peel an orange, I'm going to crack walnuts with my teeth!"

Oh yeah. Fun on set!

The company moved back to LA the other day, but guess what? That 2 page scene? The 2 pages we shot over the course of 4 plus days? They didn't finish them! The company's moving back in May just to finish. Kinda makes you wanna, um, crack walnuts with your teeth!

Thursday, April 02, 2009

That Ballgown in the Window

Mike a.k.a. Anita Bailout (nee Private) is all excited about his Pride Costume. As you may have read, we're infiltrating the parade in a gold-digger theme this year. Just after our big thematic decision, Anita was out shopping at her favorite thrift shops--including Housing Works, which dabbles in the euphemism "high-end vintage treasures".

Unlike other high-end vintage treasure outlets, Housing Works always shows off the most horrendous stuff in their windows. We all know Housing Works pack their windows with the crap they can't sell. As they wait for Anita to stroll by.

And when she does, she spots a GOLD gown. Perfect for Pride! However, the thing about the horrendous crap they put in the windows is: you have to bid on these items at their site online.

So old Anita goes to the site and finds her prize. The description read:


Anita is all thrilled and she bids on it. The minimum amount: $75.

There is also a note of drama in Anita's quest to accessorize. Says Anita, "I am not going to limit myself to clip-ons when it comes to my earrings!!" So instead of piercing his ears he calls his mother--because mother lives in Buffalo and has some sort of gizmo that can convert any regular earring into a clip-on earring. I know! Sounds like some kind of freebie you get when you order a set of Ginsu knives on QVC.

Anita called his mother "on behalf of a friend" to please (911!) rush that clip-on converter down to the city immediately. It's being shipped.

I had really better get cracking on my costume because Anita's almost done! Yes, she WON the gold drag queen gown with her minimum bid. Nobody else bothered to bid. Anita was ecstatic to have won such a prize, but she was actually too ashamed to go and pick it she had it fed-exed to her home! When it arrived, Anita called to say, "This thing weighs like 20 pounds."

Anita's been recounting the tale of this golden treasure for weeks, breathlessly explaining how fabulous it is, and how she's really outdone herself and can't wait to surprise us at Pride when she walks 5th avenue in this splendor. But the other day she had me over and was getting smashed on her 15th vodka and water of the hour, when she couldn't resist anymore, pulled a box out of the closet, opened it up and blew the secret.

I have no words. Really. And I'm not going to blow her secret here with a description of all her gown's glories but let's just say I have every reason to believe that, in the heat of the parade, Anita will take off that gown and toss it into the screaming crowds.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Am I related to Pee Wee Herman?

Just saw the intro to Pee Wee's playhouse for the first time since I was a kid. What a trip! I mean, what the hell is going on here? It's complete bedlam. In glorious technicolor. And seriously, if you added a high-kicking showgirl or two and maybe a few naked boys, I'm afraid this is my world!

Celebrity Apprentice Hangover!

One of my favorite blogs, Towleroad, wrote about Trump's Gayest Celebrity Apprentice Ever, and linked to me and this blog. Thank's Andy! I love Towleroad. It supplies all the information I want to know about, but i have to say that it's sometimes hard to read because of the reader comments. Thankfully, I have really great readers (thank you!) but over at Towleroad the readers are soooo insanely nasty! And you know they had their claws out for me yesterday.

I just have one thing to say: I am not trying to represent you, or anyone. I'm just me!

Actually, I have another thing to say on that topic: nasty queens need to read The Velvet Rage. The tagline for this book is "Overcoming the pain of growing up gay in a straight man's world". I recently read it, although I'd been meaning to read it forever. I've never read a book that I felt was directly addressing me, until this. It was fascinating to find out reasons behind why I suddenly explode at a check-out girl, or why I sometimes cringe when I see guys even more flaming than I am. Or to know why gay men on the whole are so outrageous, why we go to the gym all the time, decorate so meticulously, dress so fashionably, sleep with so many men: We are validation-junkies!!!

This book claims it's all an effort to hide and obfuscate the shame we've internalized---not our attraction to men---but our belief, shaped early on, that we are centrally flawed. This belief stems from growing up in a straight man's world. I think I'm going to be giving it out as gifts to all my friends at birthdays and christmas. It offers several ways to heal and become authentic, including audacious suggestions like accepting your body the way it is (gasp!). I recommend it to everyone and honestly feel that if this were required reading, gay men would start treating themselves and one another a whole lot better.

I discovered many years ago that I am gifted with a wicked power to hurt other people with my words. It never feels very good when I do this, and now I make a conscious effort to try (and sometimes fail) to use these powers for good.

But back to the Celebrity Apprentice episode! I heard from Annie Duke--that hot professional poker player who served us that night. She wrote a whole blog on her experience with us, and on that episode. I had forgotten it was one of the Presidential debate nights! Annie understands that we were just pawns in the game! A professional game player herself, that night Annie Duke offered us a tip for a first time poker player. "Don't play many hands!"

We hope to catch up with her when she comes back to NYC for the season finale...