Night before the beast feast we hit TOWNHOUSE, otherwise known as the CLOWNHOUSE, mostly known as the SUGAR DADDY MEETS HUSTLER HERE bar. The place has plenty of silver daddies, young trade, a piano, a dress code, and last week they had US! We tore in with fifteen friends because Townhouse is the only place in New York City where I can belt songs from Showboat and listen to an elder coo into my ear, "I have two....fireplaces back at my place."
Cooldan spoke with another Daddy, who lived in Queens (hint: you have to be a supermodel to get Dan to consider a trek to Queens), but it got even better when Dan asked:
"What do you do for a living?"
"You mean what I do now, or in general."
And there you have the shocking tale of how Dan found the one and only Sugar-Free Daddy.
Soon after, we were ejected onto 58th street after our pal Wayne thought he was Michelle Pfeiffer and crawled onto the piano where he wriggled around on his back as if he were making an snow angel, knocking drinks and the tip jar off the piano in the process. I must be rubbing off on my friends! The last time I was kicked of the Townhouse, it involved more spilled cocktails, a hand-stand, and Michael Musto.
And that was just the pre-Thanksgiving. On the actual day we went with friends Mich and Lair and two friends from Arizona to a restaurant called Les Halles, and from there the two from Arizona were headed to see the Rockettes Spectacular at Radio City Music Hall, and after that for some Cher in Burlesque. I said that had to be the gayest Thanksgiving on record. And this was before they added that they were going to see Burlesque with Lady Bunny and Amanda Lepore! They weren't kidding.
I got more turkey (for $13) when I finally caught Burlesque! This film wants to be the Moulin Rouge in Chicago on Cabaret, but just ask a jobseeker today the gaping difference between wanting and getting. Sadly the characters aren't even cruel enough to make it a camp classic. I do appreciate the sentiment that not all (show)girls are horrible to one another, but it sure is more entertaining when they are!
It's also tough to swallow Cher going on and on (every time she (barely) move her lips) about how she's flat broke. Or gems like this keepsake: "Make-up is like painting, except instead of a canvas you're painting a face." The guy is hot though, if the girls are not. And it really made me happy to not be straight. I mean, why is the guy is always accused of being a prick, when in fact the girl is being a bitch? Then the guy always admits he's awful (what men depths won't sink for pussy!) and when he kindly lets her crash for free on his couch, and later needs a little money to help pay the rent she says, "Then I'm taking your bedroom, and the WHOLE closet!"
The most unbelievable thing about the whole affair? Besides Cher's face? Xtina didn't have a car the whole time she's in LA. That must have been a long walk from the Hollywood Hills to the Sunset STrip to tell Cher about air-rights! The music was good though, a couple songs are definitely remix-ready. But how much was music and Fosse wrist twists are in Burlesque?
I thought Burlesque was about striptease? The art of the striptease. With winks, nods, and notorious quips like Gypsy Rose Lee would utter: "I'm not naked - I'm fully covered in a blue spotlight" - that's far more inventive than this music video vehicle....and two fireplaces!
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