Monday, November 29, 2010

Thanksgiving Gobbled!

Night before the beast feast we hit TOWNHOUSE, otherwise known as the CLOWNHOUSE, mostly known as the SUGAR DADDY MEETS HUSTLER HERE bar.  The place has plenty of silver daddies, young trade, a piano, a dress code, and last week they had US!  We tore in with fifteen friends because Townhouse is the only place in New York City where I can belt songs from Showboat and listen to an elder coo into my ear, "I have two....fireplaces back at my place."

Cooldan spoke with another Daddy, who lived in Queens (hint: you have to be a supermodel to get Dan to consider a trek to Queens), but it got even better when Dan asked:
"What do you do for a living?" 
"You mean what I do now, or in general."
"I'm unemployed."

And there you have the shocking tale of how Dan found the one and only Sugar-Free Daddy.

Soon after, we were ejected onto 58th street after our pal Wayne thought he was Michelle Pfeiffer and crawled onto the piano where he wriggled around on his back as if he were making an snow angel, knocking drinks and the tip jar off the piano in the process.  I must be rubbing off on my friends!  The last time I was kicked of the Townhouse, it involved more spilled cocktails, a hand-stand, and Michael Musto.

And that was just the pre-Thanksgiving.  On the actual day we went with friends Mich and Lair and two friends from Arizona to a restaurant called Les Halles, and from there the two from Arizona were headed to see the Rockettes Spectacular at Radio City Music Hall, and after that for some Cher in Burlesque.  I said that had to be the gayest Thanksgiving on record.  And this was before they added that they were going to see Burlesque with Lady Bunny and Amanda Lepore!  They weren't kidding. 

I got more turkey (for $13) when I finally caught Burlesque!  This film wants to be the Moulin Rouge in Chicago on Cabaret, but just ask a jobseeker today the gaping difference between wanting and getting.  Sadly the characters aren't even cruel enough to make it a camp classic.  I do appreciate the sentiment that not all (show)girls are horrible to one another, but it sure is more entertaining when they are!

It's also tough to swallow Cher going on and on (every time she (barely) move her lips) about how she's flat broke.  Or gems like this keepsake: "Make-up is like painting, except instead of a canvas you're painting a face." The guy is hot though, if the girls are not.  And it really made me happy to not be straight.  I mean, why is the guy is always accused of being a prick, when in fact the girl is being a bitch?  Then the guy always admits he's awful (what men depths won't sink for pussy!) and when he kindly lets her crash for free on his couch, and later needs a little money to help pay the rent she says, "Then I'm taking your bedroom, and the WHOLE closet!"

The most unbelievable thing about the whole affair?  Besides Cher's face?  Xtina didn't have a car the whole time she's in LA.  That must have been a long walk from the Hollywood Hills to the Sunset STrip to tell Cher about air-rights!  The music was good though, a couple songs are definitely remix-ready.  But how much was music and Fosse wrist twists are in Burlesque?

I thought Burlesque was about striptease?  The art of the striptease.  With winks, nods, and notorious quips like Gypsy Rose Lee would utter: "I'm not naked - I'm fully covered in a blue spotlight" - that's far more inventive than this music video vehicle....and two fireplaces!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Thank you

I hope you all had a safe and happy Thanksgiving! 

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Joan Collins SINGS!

It sounds as disingenuous as GARBO LAUGHS, right?  But sing Joan does - in a movie where she played a character named, yes, Polyester Poontang!  And I heard all about it in her one-woman show, now playing at Feinstein's titled, "One Night With Joan" - which was actually one-hour with Joan, but if you add up the number of nights she's performing and multiply that by one hour, you may reach one night with Joan.

My friend Dustin (who did a great interview with her for invited me to see Joan Collins ("recognized world-round as a fashion maven of timeless beauty", according to her press release).  Joan opened by telling the crowd, "Oscar Wilde said that a woman who reveals her age will reveal anything.  I've revealed everything except my age!"

Please note how her publicist carefully worded the press release: it's "timeless", not "ageless" probably done less for the youthful Joan and more to appease the denizens of Feinsteins (a spot inside the Loew's Regency Hotel fondly known as the "Wrinkle Room") who's combined timelessness would beat out the hills, glaciers, and the prehistoric seabeds of Indiana.  I mean, Regis Philbin was there!

Joan Collins is, let me reveal, 77 years old.  I might add that another legend, vivacious dance maven Chita Rivera, is the same age.  1933 must have been a good year.  Definitely not a good year for the country, but then again, neither is 2010.  While those at Feinstein's dine on a $96 prix fixe menu and listen to Joan Collins talk glamor - there are no less than a dozen people setting up their cardboard beds outside on the steps of a church not a half a block away on Park Avenue.

Irony is also timeless, ageless, and shameless!

Just last week, Wonder Woman Lynda Carter was here at Feinsteins singing a new arrangement of "The Locomotion" (?!) but now it's the radiant, personable, and beautiful Joan Collins who took the stage in black sequin leggings and told us about her Grandma who entertained (in black face, no less) in South Africa during the Boer Wars, and also taught her the splits.  At this point, Joan kicked off her heels, and busted into a full split right there on the wrinkle room stage!  Maven, indeed!
 Her tale is a well-told mix of old Hollywood gossip and glamor, and personal peaks and valleys.  First of all, I had no idea she was British!  Or that her first husband tried to sell her to a Sheik for $50,000 (a big sum in those days, she insists).  After that, Joan got the first of her four divorces (Elizabeth Taylor sent her a note after the fourth: "I'm still ahead by three!")

Joan's career goes way back to the tail-end of the studio era - and she told tales about Gene Kelly and Bob Hope, and detailed on screen run-ins with an ornery Bette Davis, and an off-screen shunning by a "timeless" Joan Crawford, to which she responded, "Miss Crawford, my MOTHER was such a big fan, she named me after you!"

Then comes Alexis Carrington-Colby and Dynasty - "I was flavor of the month for a decade!" Joan got to play the timeless vamp - a role she might never have gotten if she wasn't forced to go back to work and take roles such as the aforementioned surefire stinker Polyester Poontang, or take critical heat for going topless in the film version of her sister Jackie's book "The Stud".  The mean-spirited criticism (a forty year old woman! Topless!  Has she no shame?) made her decide to immediately follow that up by taking the lead role in "The Bitch".

Which goes to show - fuck turning the other cheek, showbiz survival is about slapping back.  And doing the splits on stage!  Sparkle on, Joan Collins!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Violet Tendencies NOW PLAYING in LA

At Laemmle's Sunset 5 Cinemas - that's at the corner of Crescent Heights and Sunset Boulevard.  Tonight, meet stars Adrian Armas and Sam Whitten at the 7:20 screening!  The LA TIMES writes of Violet Tendencies:

Violet's valiant attempt to shift her longtime allegiances for a shot at hetero love provides the game Cohn (best known as Natalie on TV's "The Facts of Life") ample room to showcase her ace comic timing and warm charisma. It's a generous, often lovely performance. 

Playing Violet's "Broken Hearts Club"-like circle of gay friends are director Casper Andreas and writer Jesse Archer, along with Samuel Whitten, Adrian Armas and Marcus Patrick. They supply a Gold's Gym's-worth of eye candy.

If you haven't seen the trailer, here we go again:


See you at the movies!

Friday, November 19, 2010

The Fartwork of Cooldan!

is for sale! My BF Cooldan has created a coffee table collectible! Inspired by Paul Richmond's fantastic Cheesecake Boys publication (which I am loving, by the way), CoolDan put together a sampling of his imaginative "fartwork"! 

Paul and Dan have me thinking of putting together a Best of the Brink blog post collection.  There are so many new ways to produce and distribute these days!  Below is a sampling of the fartwork found in Dan's publication (a couple of which were selected for the GLAAD art auction this year!). 

You can also preview 25 random pages in a slideshow -and also purchase a copy to help keep Cooldan from having to get a day job!  Fartwork - it's the perfect visual complement to your acid trip!

 We went to the zoo at the Grand Tetons!

Out 100 Party!

All of gay new york city in a big iceberg called the IFC!  Honorees of the magazine's annual Out 100!  I got to meet Johnny Weir.  I totally adore him - and let me explain why: He's unabashedly himself, an individual, the likes of which we don't witness enough.  He's even queenier than I am (no small feat), and the fact he's an Olympic figure skating champion thing just throws it into overdrive and makes me want to bow down!  I planted a kiss on his face (is there make-up on my lips?) and asked how often strangers ask him to perform a double axel.  "Not often," he said. "They usually just say: There goes that bitch!" I said, "OWN IT!" Then he told me he liked my hair.

I also met Steven Slater -- the flight attendant who spoke for all flight attendants when he called out some evil airline passenger. He quoted to me verbatim what he said over that intercom.  Now I was sixteen vodkas to the wind, but it resembled: "To the bitch who just called me a motherfucker -- I've had enough after 20 years with the likes your rudeness." -- and off he went. The first human ever to actually use the emergency flotation chute.

Oh, and I met transman honoree Amos, who publishes the FTM rag "Original Plumbing" (!) and let me just say that after attending the Mr. Transman Pageant in Brooklyn this year - I became keenly aware that there are a lot more FTMs out there than you imagine because they pass.  I'm pretty perceptive, but many of these dudes are literally unspookable.

Then there was Ft. Worth City Council Member Joel Burns who told bullied teens "It Gets Better" right there at the City Council meeting.  He had actually introduced my film at the Ft. Worth film festival this year -- great to see him, and proud he was able to deliver such an important message -- especially since I can't seem to figure out how to deliver my own "It Gets Better" message.  My impulse is to make people laugh, but I can't find the humor.  Michael Musto (also an Out 100 honoree) says he wants to make an "It Gets Worse" video, and I can't blame him because all too often after the bullies, religious parents are gnashing their teeth in the wings.  How about another campaign: "You are better"!?!

Also on hand tonight: Nate Berkus, Ari Gold, Derek Hartley & Romaine (don't miss their Sirius radio show!), Andy Cohen and Dave, drag darlings Dallas Dubois, Sherry Vine, Logan Hardcore, and the bitch of the bayou, Bianca del Rio.  Bear City's Gerald McCullough, activist heroes David Mixner, and Lt. Dan Choi, who was  kicked out of the military under Don't Ask Don't Tell.  "Did you handcuff yourself yet AGAIN to the White House fence this week?" Yes he did. 

"But this time you used some GORILLA GLUE on the handcuffs, right?" He nodded and added that all the activists also went "limp" when being arrested.  LIMP - an word we both agreed is always a last resort.  Unless, of course, you are the US congress.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

How did Chelsea Handler end up with my Bible?

I met a ton of lovely people at the Indy GLBT film festival this year -- its incredible director, Royce, booked me all the way back in June!  Violet Tendencies was the opening night film and the audience was amazing!  Also performing last weekend in Indianapolis was irreverent comic Chelsea Handler

My friend Dan Evans, by chance, was also in Indianapolis for the weekend (he's from there).  He also donated his New York showroom to use as the "Bradleigh" office in the film -- it looks amazing!  We were going to lunch one day, and as I'm racing around the hotel to find my wallet, I open a drawer at the Hilton and find (again, always disturbingly): the Bible. 

I've noted before how displeasing it is to find a Bible in a secular hotel room.  How the only fair thing to do would be to leave a Book of Mormon, a Qur'an, Dr. Seuss' holy Cat in the Hat, and an anthology of Aesop's Fables in the same secular Hilton drawer. Since this will never happen, the only other fair thing to do is to get rid of it.

But you can't just toss a Bible in the hotel room garbage, because Mariela the maid will simply put it back in the drawer.  Old Mariela isn't thinking that if it weren't for this book she wouldn't be speaking spanish, her ancestors wouldn't have been slaughtered in its name, and instead of worshiping a  vainglorious god, she'd likely instead be bowing down before scientific pursuit, the stars, or a dogma-free waterfall, but we won't go there because thought is one thing faith does not require.

Forget Mariela, I think that without this book I would have equal rights, a better relationship with my family, and though I'd still be just as flouncy bouncy, I'd be minus the anger - the underlying gravitas - which I suppose drives me to do things like toss Bibles into garbage cans.  But Indy is not New York and I can't find a garbage before Dan picks me up for a fabulous lunch at the Capitol Grill, a ritzy spot attached to the Conrad Hilton.  When I get out, I leave the Bible on the seat and Dan says: "Not in my car!"  So I take it into the restaurant.

We're finishing a bottle of wine, when who walks by our table but Chelsea Handler and rapper 50 Cent!  She was to perform that night, (taking far too many viewers away from the Indy LGBT film festival!) and Dan says to the waiter, "if there's 4 or less people with her, I'd like to buy them a round."  The waiter says there are 7.  Dan says, "Nevermind, we don't like her that much." But we do, really.

I love her decidedly un PC talk show Chelsea Lately, and the titles of her bestselling books like: Are you there Vodka?  It's me, Chelsea.

Then there's the Bible sitting beside me.  Dan and I get an idea, our waiter has a Sharpie, and he delivered this right to her table.
"Chelsea - Give 'em Hell tonight!"

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Poppers are Dead, Long Live Poppers!

What do you think about Indiana?  Cows, car racing, the Music Man, Hoosiers?  What exactly is a Hoosier?

Indiana was ALSO the world's prime producer of poppers!  But now your bottle of RUSH poppers, the iconic lightning bolted yellow bottle, is now a collectors item. 
A couple of months ago, the owner of the corporation (Pac West Distributing) which produced RUSH, Joe Miller, committed suicide. And the rumors are flying!  Was he about to be an accused pedophile?  Or was he driven to put a gun to his head after his factory had been raided by the feds?  In any case, he's gone and the gay delicacy known as RUSH went with him.  What to do now about the popper crisis?  There's a blog for that!

By most accounts, Joe Miller was a good guy - a generous philanthropist who donated huge sums of cash to democrats and HIV/AIDS awareness.  He was the largest donor to the gay film festival I'm attending here right now.  I spoke to a few people at the opening night party who toured his factory -- and while they didn't know the formula for poppers - they said it was kept in giant vats, like you'd find at a winery!

The topic fascinates me - did you catch Jungle Juice my Halloween costume,?  I fish for further info from a man named Gary (Gary, Indiana!) says he still has a whole case still in his freezer (he brought me two when he came to my screening.  People are so nice here.  Thanks Gary!)  Interestingly, back in the mid-1980's confusion over how AIDS was transmitted, many a gay blamed poppers!  

I also learn from these guys that Amyl Nitrate, or poppers, commonly sold as "VHS head cleaner" or "the original room odorizer" (!!) was actually sold over the counter in the 1960's and was the first iteration of what would become nitro glycerin-- that pill people with a risk of heart attack take to open up their arteries.  Poppers work in the same way, Gary says, in that with a whiff they open up, you know, everything....

So I ask the group, "You're telling me poppers are good for the heart?"  They nod (and wink) enthusiastically.


Friday, November 12, 2010

The Sequel...begins!

The Sequel looks to be my next project!  It's a *straight* screwball mystery to be directed by Wendy Shear, from an award-winning screenplay by Matt Rhoden. Check out the stars in this line-up!

Very excited to be working with the likes of these actors, and once again with Mindy Cohn!  Now in development, shooting will begin once funds are fully raised, so if you're interested in investing - please contact me (or under "contact" on the site link above) and the creative team will send the financial proposal!

Sunday, November 07, 2010

Down on the Bowery

Walking on the Bowery today, I caught an exhibition by Sophie Crumb, and a pictoral of the ghosts of ballparks past.  Strolling along, I caught myself looking -no, staring - at this old building, which had fallen into a state of sad disrepair. The bones were still there, as they say, and as I stared at its shell I wondered about its stories.

Do you ever do that with an old building?

Wonder where it came from and what it had to tell, and how it morphed into its present state? It is now nearly hidden beneath advertising it supports.  Advertising something that it is not.  It is a sturdy building from the late 19th century -- when the the neighborhood was mainly immigrants from Germany.  There are two side entrances - it might have been a German beer hall?  Later a yiddish theatre?  And finally a flophouse? 

Off the first floor is a big glass pane, where once they may have rented suits by the day.  Or maybe it was a milliner?  Those who lived here over these many, many years - their individual stories, the high flying parties, the romance, and the break-ups, the domestic violence -- all combined with time and the times conspiring to leave it still standing, as it is now, a relic of former glory.  What would its builder think?  Is this how he had imagined his creation might end up?  Would he be proud?

Do you ever wonder that about people?

Stare at an old person and wonder how they ended up the person they are?  Which personalities in their lifetime, the cruel and the kind, shaped them into what and who they are now.  What they would have been like had they weighed more or less importance on one influence or another.  If different events, times or values had informed them, would they be the same?  Do they match what's inside?  Or do you see something inside that is all but lost, vanished, a shell of the person they were meant to be?

Do you ever do that in the mirror?

Friday, November 05, 2010

Violet Tendencies opens today!

Get your Violet on this weekend.  Come out, come out, wherever you are, and catch our raunchy tribute to the cheeky ladies who make the gays of our lives so much brighter!

Starring the inimitable Mindy Cohn, the film plays one week at QUAD cinemas (34 West 13th street) here in New York City!  The cast will be attending screenings all weekend.  For advance tickets, head here.  See you at the movies!

Click to make it bigger! 

Here's an on-set interview with our hunky go-go God Marcus Patrick -- he talks about the film and has sweet things to say about Mindy, Casper, and me.  He calls me a "Happy Puppet" and "Captain Inappropriate"!!!  Yes, that's one reason I love him.  Inappropriately!

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

The Pants Are OFF!!

It's pin-up in print!  Earlier this year, I was proud to be one of the subjects in fab artist Paul Richmond's "Cheesecake Boys" series -- a sexy twist on men who find themselves in compromising positions usually held by females!

You may recall mine, "in hot pursuit", was an homage to female slasher victims who couldn't manage to keep their clothes on:

Now he's got the book out!  In "Cheesecake: The Pin-Up Art of Paul Richmond" -- you get ALL the boys, all the backstory -- and more (behind-the-scenes, how-to's, and why's) -- PLUS, it was my honor to be asked to write the book's foreword.  Look closely, got my name on Jack Mackenroth's measuring tape!

Please preview the first 15 pages here -- you'll see what a special piece it is -- and don't forget to get yourself a copy while you're at it!

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

I'm a sexpert!

Ever since I got an online medal (see right margin for my ribbon! Oh, the pride!) for being one of the best sex blogs on the web, I continue to be baffled, excited, disappointed, and PITCHED.

I guess it's paid off posting about naked men at the car-wash or frozen balloon dildos, because now I'm getting free Sex Toys and all I do is put that link on the blog!

Yes I was offfered any item from an online sex store, so I gravitated toward Penis Rings, because...where else would I find a cock ring and leash ?  My home is no longer short on conversation pieces!

Too bad I got this a day AFTER halloween.  Just a tug and he obeys.  This piece may be the perfect companion to my human pup show video!  It is also parent-friendly.  This intimate item might also serve practical purposes, such as buckling it to your child's wrist while on a visit to the Natural History Museum.

And now back to my gimp...

Monday, November 01, 2010

Poppers to the People *or* "How I sniffed my way through Halloween"!

I was a bottle of poppers for Halloween.  "The best aroma in the world!"  At least that's what the back of our t-shirts said.  CoolDan and I went as Jungle & Juice: the Popper Twins! 

The necklaces were created with recycled bottles of years past, the t-shirts Dan did with iron-ons, and our cap is genuine cardboard.
The coup de grace was the live popper ring, created with very little thought and a lot of gorilla glue.   Lady Gaga took to the popper ring like a duck to water!
So did the Twister board.
And Audrey Hepburn.  After Breakfast at Tiffany's, she took a whiff of the ring...
 ...and immediately broke out into a series of ballet moves.
Right there on 66th street!
Beautiful.  And that is why we must provide poppers to the people!!!

I've got to say that as I was on the subway, sandwiched between Prince Charming and Lady Gaga, I felt a bit intimidated.  Especially when some nosy kid asked me, "What are you?  A chef?"  Both his mom and me were thinking: What was a popper bottle doing on the Upper East Side???

We were treated to a wonderful dinner at Le Chat Noir
followed by...a party avalanche!

This party (happy birthday, David!) overflowed onto the roof and then into a vacant apartment next door.  Somewhere in the city, there is a real estate agent hating us right now!! 
Anita was a "Fantasy Lion" -with this impressive lion head and mane.  Of course she bedazzled the hell out of it!! In fact, it became so unrecognizeable, towards the end of the night she was heard exclaiming, "For the last time, I'm NOT Lady Gaga!!!"
I thought she was looking rather more like J Lo. 

What's going on here?
 Everybody got their hands on this one.

I was predicting a Lady Gaga vs. Snooki showdown at the Village Halloween parade last night, but it turned out to be more weighted with blue Avatar people and Chilean miners.  The Chilean miner fiasco was truly a goldmine for last minute marys, who all ran out to purchase a hard hat, head lamp, and poof: Halloween costume problem solved!

Wish I had photos, but the ol' camera died pre-parade.  "Fantasy Lion" Anita got caught on ABC news.  Check out the :56 mark here!  The camera did come back to life for party-time.  Trust me, you did NOT want to be a bathroom attendant in New York City last night!!!  Whacky whacky whacky in club land!

At Griffin in the Meatpacking District, I caught Whitney Houston!
A few turns of the dance floor later, I caught Whitney without her wig.  "Now I'm Grace Jones," she deadpanned.  And that's what we love in our divas: Versatility and range! 

Caught lovely Rollerena, the legendary Queen of Studio 54!
Romance ensued!
Next up VanDam - the kids there always get extra credit for effort!! 

The remains of friday?  Saturday?  Sunday?  I give up!