Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Yonah's FGM!

Look at this gorgeous little guy. His name is Yonah Madison. I was honored when his mother asked me to be his Godfather; I even went into a church for his baptism and have a certificate to prove it!
Because he is heaven and I'm his Fairy Godmother, I had a star in the solar system named after him (with the coordinates RA: 1h8m35.4s DEC: -10°10m56.0s, if you're near a telescope) yeah, you can do that – he has a certificate to prove it!

"No man ever followed his genius til it misled him." – Thoreau.
So follow your genius, little man, wherever it may lead you!

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

HERO Awards: Broadway And Ballet

My friend Mike (aka Anita) runs an important non-profit,, which is having its awards celebration in NYC, October 19th. Mike knows everyone and the show features performances from the very best of Broadway and ballet, and will honor Tony award-winning choreographer Jerry Mitchell (Broadway Bares) and Stephen Hanna (who played grown-up Billy Elliott in the musical). General admission is just $20. Please consider attending, sharing or donating to support the amazing work his org does in helping those living with HIV and providing resources to the newly diagnosed.

Monday, September 22, 2014

Patrol Season Begins

Springtime, and surf lifesaving season has begun - we had our first patrol at North Bondi beach this Sunday. Great to catch up with the crew. And if the beach looks deserted, that's because it was!

The chilly morning soon heated up -- with the modeling of a vintage 1930s lollipop guild lifesaver swimsuit.

Sunday, September 07, 2014

Atlantis Cruise - Mediterranean: the parties!

I was a little concerned about doing an Atlantis Cruise, thought I might feel trapped or something -- imagine! Despite a hideous cruise director, Malcolm, it was all very duck to water fabulous. Everything here is catered to the audience: from the entertainers to the parties, even walking to your room - no Burt Bacharach playing this week; now it's Kylie Minogue. And the Celebrity Equinox staff were loving this charter. They usually deal with fat families and geriatrics and now they're staying up all night dancing and taking lots of "you will never believe this" photos. Bam took a tour of the ship, and they told him the gay cruise eats less but drinks FOUR times as much as straight ones -- in fact, the ship doesn't have enough space to store all the booze.

So here's where all that booze went! A few weeks before sailing, they send a list of theme parties - and everyone goes all out in the dress up department. Nothing like being dressed up and dancing with all your friends as you sail across the Mediterranean.

Getting ready for the 70s party. We went mullet and 70s clone look. 
the hankie was supposed to be in your back right pocket, boys.

Of course we ended in the pool. Anita caught pneumonia before the trip was through -- apparently pnuemonia is also known as excessive partying.

Anita brought a gaggle of friends from NYC who are Broadway and American Ballet Theatre dancers. We called them the "joy boys" and they were very popular!

uniforms: less is more!
Below: Wayne's luggage was lost by Lufthansa --- and all his hand luggage was nothing but costumes. He had no boy clothes at all, just the one outfit he flew in - but he at least had his wig and cha-cha heels!! 

His luggage caught up with us in Sicily, but Lufthansa was giving him a per day clothing allowance, so let's just say he was running in the opposite direction of his suitcase.

Richards glasses make a handy mirror.
Nobody is paying attention to this showstopper, Wayne!!
My favorite pic of Bam.
IMAGINE-NATION party. We were supposed to come up with creative costumes from our native countries. So we dressed up in our galaxy tights and deelybopper headbands. Out of this world, naturally.

The white party. Anita tried to talk us all into white tutus. Cooldan had a better idea: use the towels from our room and save space in our luggage! So we strapped locker keys to our arms and went as sauna boys.
Anita poses in sixth position: ballet with a beer.

Isadora Duncan eat your heart out.
This one is all ready for the wall-size canvas print treatment:
The dying white swan.
UH OH. What in the hell is this?
It lives.
This Chariots Of Fire serenade is just as questionable.
The ladies hit the deck for a sophisticated evening at the overpriced martini bar. We all get cards to charge anything to our rooms. We kept laughing that my card was going to get declined.

The drinks were then easily transported to the theatre...
... for a flown-in performance from the incomparable dance diva, Deborah Cox!
We raced down to the front and she came out into the audience, singing "nobody's supposed to be here" but there we were. And who wore it better? Simone and Deborah in matching sequin frocks!

The show left some bitches unmoved: 
The pool deck was the scene of ongoing crimes against nature.

So after all these parties and late nights, just imagine first thing in the morning: "welcome to Naples!" and it's not like you're going to take a tylenol, sleep some more and then have a light breakfast. Oh no, it's off to Naples. Ten days of that.. and this:
She has one eye looking at ya, one eye lookin for ya.
well the partied continued for SOME of us. It was the night Betty Crocker died.
The mortician did a beautiful job for the viewing.
The Wet Party - staff got really into hosing, dousing and spraying the crowds. Cooldan had a waterproof camera, thankfully!

against regulation: improper use of lifesaving uniform.

Friday, September 05, 2014

Goodnight, Joan

So Joan Rivers died doing what she loved - having an operation.
Too soon? Not to the memory of the trailblazer who laughed at everything, first of all herself.

I confess to having been on vigil ever since I heard about her medical emergency hoping she would pull through because she is a survivor and she just wasn't done yet. Joan Rivers has been on TV since I can remember, and her presence and biting wit said it was okay to be a misfit - and fuck em if they can't take a joke.
I wasn't alone - my internet feeds have exploded with tributes and personal anecdotes and stories from friends about the wicked queen of insult comedy's kindheartedness and often silent philanthropy. The gay world is in mourning for our naughty no-holds-barred grandma.
Yes, Joan Rivers is gone but so much of her remains with us... and if it's true that she's donated her body to Tupperware, I can still take her to lunch!

Thursday, September 04, 2014

Crap Taxidermy's Hangover

Crap taxidermy is just about my favorite thing out there -- right up there with anthropomorphised dogs and the culinary frankensteins regularly featured on I really wish I had thought up the crap taxidermy meme because in my travels I have been to some rotting third world museums and, although I never spotted this amazingly gay-faced lynx, I have SEEN SOME THINGS.
But Buzzfeed has gone and jumped the shark with "22 Types of Hangovers as Illustrated by Crap Taxidermy". I can hardly go on. Here's a sampling:
The "If I move I might puke" hangover.
The "It's 3pm and I still feel like death" hangover.
The "my whole world is still spinning" hangover.